APRIL 3RD, 2022

 I have nothing much to say, but i feel the urge to write something down. long story short i feel weird. yes i am still getting over a flu, DND just wrapped up less then an hour ago, but none of that is terribly relevant

its not about the bunny. is it about the bunny?....

what is this weird feeling then? claustaphobia? no not really. maybe disquiet? no idea. it feels hard to get comfortable. sort of like the feeling of being watched, nothing tangible or definite but still that odd feeling. waiting for something. waiting for what? 

"In crossing a heath, suppose I pitched my foot against a stone, and were asked how the stone came to be there; I might possibly answer, that, for anything I knew to the contrary, it had lain there forever: nor would it perhaps be very easy to show the absurdity of this answer. But suppose I had found a watch upon the ground, and it should be inquired how the watch happened to be in that place; I should hardly think of the answer I had before given, that for anything I knew, the watch might have always been there. There must have existed, at some time, and at some place or other, an artificer or artificers, who formed the watch for the purpose which we find it actually to answer; who comprehended its construction, and designed its use Every indication of contrivance, every manifestation of design, which existed in the watch, exists in the works of nature; with the difference, on the side of nature, of being greater or more, and that in a degree which exceeds all computation."

TLDR: Everything has to come from something else. energy cant be created or destroyed blah blah so everything come from something. right?

no. from the logicians point of view sure, but eventually that line of thinking will lead you to dead ends. why do i feel like shit you ask? no reason. Occam's razor. I'm not sure if i can believe that, but i have to

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How do you know you're going crazy? If you coherent enough to have that question you most likely aren't crazy. But yet I really feel like I'm starting to lose my shit. Or perhaps on the verge of losing my shit. I don't say this because of one thing, I say it because of everything. I feel hysterical. I feel terrified. I feel sick, yet im in a fairly good mood about it. Everything just feels slippery. Like if I fully let go...

Then what? There's some subconscious part of my brain that is desperately clinging For some kind of logical ground to stand on, and what if there simply is none? What have all this fighting is in vain. What if it is just random. 

What happens when I let go. Well if you're coherent enough to have these thoughts...

If you were falling in space, do you think you'd slow down after a while or just go faster and faster?