head hurts

 And now my head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus

It's that kinda mornin'

Really was that kinda night

Tryin' to tell myself that my condition is improvin'

And if I don't die by Thursday I'll be roarin' Friday night

Have you ever vomited strictly from pain? i do almost monthly. Its the kind of pain that so intense it makes every fiber of your being squeeze into itself, including your stomach. its a kind of blackhole that absorbs all rational thought, and leaves you shivering, crying, and begging for sleep. as a kid i got really bad migraines for a year or so, and then all that pain seemed to move south. The most fun part? its entirely random. i spent a fair amount of time in the Calgary children's hospital, and the results were extremely underwhelming. Despite an aversion to dairy products and a oversized spleen, there was nothing wrong with me. all the blood work, the scope, countless back and forth trips to see specialists, the only thing really wrong with me was that i was extremely stressed. so why don't i talk about those intense bursts of pain so bad im scared to go the bathroom for a few days after?

Because talking about it is admitting i have had a life long case of the shits. Vomiting and crying on the bathroom floor because its so painful shits. As a kid my nickname was the garbage disposal based my ability to eat any and every bit of unwanted food, but now I'm equally scared of eating food as i am using the bathroom. most of the time its not worth being scared about, but those few occasions are worth every ounce of fear i have given them over the years. now i feel hungry less and less, or i suppose it would be more accurate to say im scared of food more and more. i almost never do coffee, milk, cheese, ice cream, anything that might have a 10% chance of giving me hell later i avoid. despite how much i alter my diet or how much better i can handle dairy, there is always consequences. the nights of the long knives still happen, and i think they will until i die.

So although i have never broken a bone or had any other extreme injury, i am intensely familiar with pain