daddy

                            Tops to me bottoms and me bottoms to me top

And that's the way it is 'till the day that I drop

What am I?

I yam what I yam!

I yam what I yam what I yam what I yam what I yam

-Popeye

My dad has always been very guarded. Almost everything I know about his upbringing I have learned from other people, and it has always been very important to him to be perceived as having his shit together. If you ran into him randomly on the street, you would think he has never had a bad day in his life. He is charming, quick witted, handsome, and to me he seemed almost impossibly put together. Straight A student in school, Ladies man, hard worker More of a myth than a real human being, a kind of legend of total invulnerability.

After living with mom so much in various low income houses and condos all over Claresholm, moving in with dad felt like living in a STARS lottery home. He lives in beautiful homes, drives expensive cars, cooks incredible meals, has a good sized group of similar minded friends, he is quite literally the canadian dream.

I could never get close to that. Besides the good looks and quick wit, we really don't have anything in common. I was a C level student and a college drop out. I'm not interested in the ladies at all. My work ethic has been largely pathetic until the last few years, and I simply can't relate to this very traditionally raised farm kid. My life has largely been a struggle, and that not a care in the world attitude and lifestyle he has was what i assumed to be the normal. And when I couldn't follow in his footsteps, I felt like a disappointment. 

I have always thought that lack of common interests was my own fault and I should have simply tried harder to get into whatever he is into, but I see now the futility of that.  

You don't get into a relationship to change someone, and any attempt on my part to fit into his perceived mold is a sacrifice of the truth. It would be taking a part of myself and locking it away, and I can't do that. 

He loves me the way i yam, and the only one who doesn't realize it is me.